TV Club: Cucumber: “Episode 1” / Banana: “Episode 1”

The problem with comparing erections to food is one is meant to be destroyed. You slice up a cucumber, as in the title card of Cucumber. You manually flay a hard banana. You bite off a hunk and gnash it into paste. I don’t know what people do with tofu, but I hear it’s good fried. So as middle-aged Henry walks through a supermarket checking out the produce and explaining with faint wonder (in voice-over) that actual scientists spent a decade settling on a scale for erection hardness based on cucumber, banana, and tofu—imagine the research!—every hard cock in his fantasy is met with castration. Henry Best is depressed.

The first words out of his mouth (as opposed to in his head): “I hate gay men.” He ogles young, fit men with images of cucumber and banana, but when he catches himself in a mirror, he …

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