Newswire: You’ll have to wait a while to buy, then promptly lose, Apple’s AirPods

Displaying the courage that has characterized its entire iPhone 7 launch, Apple had the temerity and the tenacity to admit today that its new AirPods earbuds are not quite ready, delaying their release to a boldly indeterminate time in our brave future. The announcement was made just prior to today’s MacBook event, where the AirPods were expected to get an official rollout date alongside the reveal of the new MacBook Pro and its lionhearted banishing of USB ports and the escape key, the tools of cowards.

“The early response to AirPods has been incredible,” said an Apple spokesperson, accurately summarizing the general reaction of people who couldn’t fucking believe they were being asked to pay $160 for a pair of dangling Oral-B toothbrush heads they’ll have to make sure and charge every five hours if they want to listen to music on their phone.

Of course, the …

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