Newswire: You can now buy a $28K Star Wars watch instead of a down payment on a house

Not a long time ago, in a galaxy you’re already in, some absurdly wealthy venture capitalist was likely watching his stolen copy of the still-unreleased 4K resolution original Star Wars trilogy, and suddenly realized he was late for his weekly outing to throw rocks at poor people. Stealing his attention away from a lightsaber duel to glance at his diamond-encrusted Rolex, he sighed. “This timepiece is so un-Star Wars-y,” he said, employing the clever linguistic wordplay that he felt signaled his John Galt-like superiority to the lower tier of 1 percenters. “If only there were a way I could still be enjoying Star Wars every time I looked at my watch, but could simultaneously be reassured that I’m wealthy enough to be able to wipe my ass with Fabergé eggs if I so choose.”

Suddenly, he felt a great disturbance in the force of his mind …

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