Newswire: Will Smith might be America’s first president to get jiggy wit’ it

After a couple centuries of reasonably successful democratic elections, it seems like a pretty safe assumption that the American political system as we know it is on its way out. Oh sure, this latest campaign cycle has been entertaining, but in the way that watching teenagers kill each other is entertaining for the Capital in The Hunger Games. Nobody feels good about witnessing any of this, but Mad Men is over and there’s nothing better on TV, so we might as well watch the debates, retweet all of the made-up crime statistics, and Google what “democratic socialism” is.

However, a great hero from west Philadelphia (born and raised) may soon save us from this ouroboros of political nonsense. He’ll pull up to the White House about seven or eight, yell to the cabbie “yo homes, smell ya later,” then look at his kingdom because he’s finally there …

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