Newswire: Toho’s gigantic new Godzilla to smash puny American Godzilla

Having triumphantly smashed (in the form of a polite settlement) his way through Anne Hathaway and her suspiciously similar kaiju movie Colossal, the Japanese Godzilla is ready to crush any potential comparisons to his weak, insignificant American cousin. Giant lizard rights holder Toho Co. has its own Godzilla film in the works right now, you see, and the company is promising that its nuclear allegory/laser dinosaur is going to tower over the husky one people made such a fuss about in Gareth Edwards’ 2014 film.

In a claim that is in no way reminiscent of a schoolyard declaration that Jimmy’s imaginary friend is infinity times bigger than Terri’s (or Terri’s counter-claim that, nuh-uh, her friend is infinity plus one), Toho has said Shin Godzilla—alternately translated as “true Godzilla,” or “New Godzilla”—will be the biggest Godzilla yet. The numbers aren’t in yet for the …

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