Newswire: There’s an actual Full House porn parody now, God help us all

Good news for fans of entirely inappropriate uncle-niece relationships and canned laughter: There’s a Full House porn parody now, God help us all. WoodRocket, a company that basically makes all of its money by asking crude facsimiles of pop culture icons to have sex with each other, has just released—we kid you not—Full Holes, which it calls “a sexy satire of one of the most popular sitcoms of all time.”

According to a press release, Full Holes stars porn luminaries like Allie Haze, Michael Vegas, and Kassondra Raine as various members of the Tanner clan, though the names have been “sexily” modified. Haze, for instance, plays “BJ,” while Raine plays “Muffchelle.” Other not-so-cleverly-named characters include Stuffme, Handy Tanner, Jizzy, Blowey, Kimmy Gobbler, and Fucky Donaldson. A group of Hawaiian-shirted dudes called the Bi-yotch Boys even make an appearance to sing “Strokamo,” though in this case the song …

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