Newswire: The masses rejoice as Ouija 2, The Purge 3 announced

A spectre is haunting America—the spectre of Ouija. All the powers of old media have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: critic and Pope, radicals and police spies. One thing results from this fact: That Ouija has revealed itself to be a power. And so, responding to the cry of the proletariat for more Ouija, the bourgeois class, in the form of Platinum Dunes head Brad Fuller, spoke thusly:

Ouija 2 is coming.”

The country has been crying out—nay, begging—for a sequel to arguably the greatest film of 2014, which earned $85 million when it stormed the gates of our capitalist culture. Not since the halcyon days of Anacondas: The Hunt For The Blood Orchid has a movie sequel been so vitally restorative to our national humor. But once the flood of the working class has begun, it cannot be stopped. Which is why …

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *