Newswire: Taco Bell to start offering delivery as soon as it figures out how to do that

Few things can be as delicious as a pile of quesadillas, chalupas, gorditas, cheesy quesarito crunchers, quesalupa chasers, and supreme Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew balls from Taco Bell when you’re as high as humanly possible. Or, you know, really drunk, or a teenager, or whatever other reasons people have for going to Taco Bell and not some pretentious “authentic” restaurant that doesn’t even serve Mountain Dew balls. The only problem is that sometimes you’re so high/drunk/teenaged that you simply can’t drive to the Taco Bell. What are you supposed to do then? Eat Doritos in chip-form like an actual human, instead of the monster that you are?

Well, soon you will no longer have to worry about being unable to pick up Taco Bell, because it will deliver the Cinnabon-smothered koopatroopas directly to your door. Or it would, if it had any idea how to …

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