Newswire: Taco Bell liberates the oppressed masses with shitty biscuit dough

In the bleak, increasingly Hot Pocket-less techno-dystopia that is Obama’s America, there’s really not much for the average Joe or Jane Q. Workhorse to hope for. White people are only getting most of the parts on TV, ISIS has taken Tatooine, and, worst of all, Mortdecai is now rated PG-13. Instead, it’s just wake up, go to work, leave snarky comments on some shitty website, go home, watch TV, watch some more TV, and die.

But Taco Bell, a subsidiary of the multi-billion dollar Yum! Foods corporation, has seen a better way. No more will we have to suffer the depersonalizing effects of eating processed food covered in carcinogenic flavor dust served by underpaid workers exploited by a faceless corporation, unless that carcinogenic flavor dust is Doritos-flavored and the faceless corporation is Taco Bell. To this end, the company has launched a new breakfast menu item, the …

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