Newswire: Sony and Marvel add five babyfaced white boys to their Spider-Man short list

Like a school of salmon with Bluetooth headsets, every five years or so a prehistoric instinct seizes Sony executives, prompting them to swim against the tide of popular opinion and spawn yet another Spider-Man origin story into the cool, clear stream of the international box office. Why the executives keep returning to their birthplace and making movies about Peter Parker getting picked on in high school even after those waters have become thoroughly polluted is one of the great mysteries of nature, if by “nature” you mean “character rights.”

Helpless in the face of this blind animal urge, Sony has begun the process of selecting a babyfaced young white boy to don the sacred nerd glasses and ensure another year of bountiful box-office receipts. But before the chosen Spider-Boy can become a Spider-Man, first there must be a short list. The Wrap, citing “multiple individuals with knowledge of the situation …

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