Newswire: Science continues its war on grammar, says ending texts with a period is bad

In news that should continue to make anyone with even a passing familiarity with Mssrs. Strunk and White positively dyspeptic from frustration, those sick bastards collectively known as “science” have determined to strip the English language of what few bulwarks remain against the encroaching darkness of linguistic flim-flammery. The Washington Post reports that researchers led by Binghamton University’s Celia Klin have announced that ending texts with a period—the alpha and omega of punctuation—makes those messages come across as less sincere. These findings were probably passed around the research team via the text “dogg u c this shit grammar can eet 4 dongs lol,” as is now linguistically acceptable.

In order to contribute to the downfall of communication, the test studied whether text messages and handwritten notes were perceived as less sincere when the sentences contained within them were followed by a period. And, in positively shocking news …

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