Newswire: Rigorous science determines the age when people are too old to hit nightclubs

It’s not surprising that in a culture whose valuation of youth might be charitably described as “obsession bordering on psychosis, with a healthy dollop of vampirism for good measure,” we eventually get around to applying an age standard to everything. Given that our collective desire to place normative borders around every societal behavior and pathologize outliers falls somewhere between R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket and Bette Davis in Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?, it was surely only a matter of time before we turned our attention to deciding who was too old to go clubbing. Despite Craig Robinson having already broken it down for us, we still hunger for a more objective standard of when we’re allowed to openly point at someone and say, “Ew, gross, they’re too old to be here!” Happily, science has stepped in to fill that void.

In a milestone of …

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