Newswire: President Peepaw yelling nasty things at the lady on the TV again

Rousting America from a lovely dream about being slowly devoured by a snake, a belching clamor emanating from the nation’s musky back den confirms that President Peepaw is mad at the lady on the TV again. This time it was Morning Joe host Mika Brzezinski, who apparently said some things that really set Peepaw off—though he couldn’t say exactly what, since he wasn’t even watching. All he knows is that the lady is stupid and he’s pretty sure she had a facelift, and Jesus Christ, now the whole damn house has to hear about it.

“I heard poorly rated @Morning_Joe speaks badly of me (don’t watch anymore),” he bellowed into the calm of dawn. “Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year’s Eve, and insisted on joining me …

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