Newswire: “Pizzagate” conspiracy theorists question how no one has noticed Guy Fieri is an Illuminati wizard

No longer content with the power owed him as the sovereign lord of Flavortown, royal bearer of the Frosted Tips, Guy Fieri has been outed by those in the know as a dark wizard and secret Illuminati king. And in case the intersection between food and wizard-based conspiracy theories didn’t tip you off immediately, he’s also become the latest figure to be swept up in the tumorous, toxic theory-lump know as “Pizzagate,” which, despite losing the support of radio host Alex Jones, still manages to thrive in the danker corners of the internet.

Fieri got himself involved in the non-existant child sex trafficking ring through his Diners, Drive-Ins, And Dives Food Network show, which sent him to Washington D.C.’s Comet Ping Pong Pizza as part of his ongoing quest to shout at people with his mouth full of sauce in every major city in the country …

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