Newswire: People keep pretending to have sex with Nicki Minaj’s wax figurine

The Las Vegas location of wax museum franchise Madame Tussauds has announced that it’ll be hiring extra security to watch over its statue of rap star Nicki Minaj, so as to discourage patrons from taking pictures of themselves in sexually explicit positions with the recently added figurine. Presumably, the museum is hoping that the added eyes will be the missing cautionary step in the statue-humping decision, a thought process we’ve attempted to simulate below:

“My, that wax figurine looks quite a bit like attractive musician Nicki Minaj! As a fan of her work, perhaps I could express my devotion through a respectful, candidly shot statue hump? Let the debate commence!

On the one hand, I’m in public, a place where simulated sex acts are often met with disdain. But on the other, Ms. Minaj’s waxy simulacra clearly draws inspiration from her ‘Anaconda‘ video, as strident an …

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