Newswire: MGM has found Jesus, or at least a guy to play him in the new Ben-Hur

After losing its love interest to Wonder Woman’s busy schedule, MGM’s new version of Ben-Hur found itself in a pretty dark place. Ben-Hur was lost and alone, with nobody to turn to for emotional support. Or so it thought! Then, like so many teens who get suckered in with cool talk about skateboarding and not having sex until marriage, Ben-Hur discovered a man with long hair and some radical ideas about helping people and loving everybody. That’s right, we’re talking about a little guy named Jesus fuckin’ Christ.

This isn’t the same Jesus you’ve read about in books like The Bible and The Da Vinci Code, though. This is a real, living guy that you can touch and everything. OK, you probably can’t touch him, because he’s just going to be a character in a movie, but you could touch him in …

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