Newswire: Madonna sucked the life out of Drake

Coachella—those annual weekends when molly is sprinkled on the pages of Us Weekly and an H&M catalog, causing them to magically come alive and wander the California desert as music plays faintly in the background—has already produced its breakout moment, which naturally has nothing to do with music. It happened last night during Drake’s headlining slot, as he closed the festival with a set composed mostly of moody, self-reflective bummers (Drake songs). After playing “Madonna,” from his recent If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late, he yielded the stage to a surprise guest, the human embodiment of his music’s aura of morning-after regret: Madonna herself.

Wearing a shirt that quoted Drake’s lyric, “BIG AS MADONNA” (which you can get yourself for a mere $52, or trip to Hobby Lobby), Madonna performed her own “Human Nature,” “Express Yourself,” and “Hung Up,” all while Drake …

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