Newswire: Jewish historian Adam Sandler adds Jared Fogle to “The Chanukah Song”

Semitic chronicler Adam Sandler—best known for his historical missives “The Chanukah Song” Parts One, Two, and Three—has updated his living history of the Jewish people once again. Playing at a show last week in San Diego, Sandler unleashed the latest version of the song, which now includes references to such Jewish and semi-Jewish luminaries as Shia LaBeouf, Drake, and former Subway spokesperson Jared Fogle.

And while December-based references to convicted sex offenders—or the gross lyrical possibility that fellow Jew Dr. Drew might somehow “fix” them—aren’t necessarily seasonally appropriate, given that tomorrow is Thanksgiving, take a second and look at Sandler’s face in the video. Look at the eyes, fully open. Look at the mouth, curved upward in an actual human smile. He’s happy; not just half-assedly sneering his way through another mindless comedy, or making the rounds on some dead-eyed chat show, but …

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