Newswire: Hark, for the second coming of Hootie And The Blowfish may soon be at hand

Since 1996, a dreadful silence has gripped our nation’s backyards, which stand bereft of no smooth jams to barbecue and chill to. Fruitlessly, we have tried to fill that void with Dave Matthews—but while everyone agrees “Crash” is a total vibe song, sometimes he just gets a little too funky. Dave’s better for more of a party party, not a relaxed kick-back sesh. To no avail have we attempted to break our stillness with talk of golf, with discussion of our financial planning, with soft yet manful weeping. Still, nothing has worked. We have missed the Blowfish. Too long have we not Hootied.

But hark! What light rock through yonder dorm window breaks? It is the Hootie himself, Darius Rucker, and he brings glad tidings that the fish shall blow anew!

“People still ask me if we’re getting back together, and we are,” Rucker told Today …

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