Newswire: Even an hour of TV makes kids fat, says latest study of why you’re a bad parent

Since at least 2011, various pediatric researchers have sounded the alarm on the dangers of too much television for children—an alarm that’s gone mostly ignored, because it can’t be heard over the TV you put on to get, like, two hours of peace. Those two hours will kill you, those scientists said four years ago, as will binge-watching or enjoying especially good programming, while any TV viewing at all is shaving precious minutes off your life that you could have spent pursuing a career in science-based scolding.

Now a newer, even more alarmist study says that even an hour of television per day will mold your child into a little butterball, slowly oozing its way to the grave. These latest findings are set to be published next month in the Journal Of Just Look What You’re Doing To Them! Look!, then clipped and mailed by concerned …

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