Newswire: Coffee helps you live longer, say twitchy, sweaty scientists

Not only does coffee produce euphoric effects in large doses, help keep you regular, and provide endless hilarious jokes about people leaving you alone before you’ve had a cup, it also prevents death. In a story that was probably written at a furious pace by an over-caffeinated reporter, NPR presents the excited, slightly sweaty news that drinking three to five cups of coffee a day—regular or decaf—can help lower your risk of premature mortality by up to 15 percent.

But before you hook up an IV of some artisanal Kenyan blend, know that some of the benefits seem to come from the general lifestyle of coffee drinkers in the study, not from the drink itself. Coffee drinkers tend to drink less soda, for example, and that stuff’ll kill you. And the 15 percent number applies only to nonsmokers, according to CNN, and adding smoking to the …

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