Newswire: Australia won’t get to kill Johnny Depp’s dogs

Yesterday, the Australian media inadvertently spoiled the plot of Pirates Of The Caribbean 5 by reporting that the government had stumbled upon Johnny Depp’s contraband stash of Yorkshire terriers, then setting off a race against the clock before the dogs would be euthanized (and turned into ghost puppies for Pirates Of The Caribbean 6). As it turns out, the resulting international incident—which roped in numerous other Australian politicians, sparked a social media furor, and inspired a Change.org petition that amassed nearly 20,000 signatures—may have been a tad excessive.

Depp’s dogs, Pistol and Boo, have since left Australia aboard a private jet, escaping the executioner’s axe in the nick of time, to name just one of the in-flight movies they will be forced to watch. Imagine the climactic scene of Argo, except with Yorkshire terriers. Refrain from saying Arf-go. Puns are the rabies of …

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