Newswire: Argentina issues warrant for the arrest of Justin Bieber

Last month, Justin Bieber began the ritual of atonement for his years of criminal misbehavior through the cleansing ablution of laughter, submitting himself to the harsh penile system of Comedy Central’s Dick Jokes Adjacent To Celebrities. But while Bieber emerged from his two hours of punishment claiming to be a new man—even boasting the “softer eyes” that only people who are profoundly sorry or dehydrated have—not everyone thinks that being grilled by comedians and Ludacris should count as time served. Argentina, to name just one nation on Earth, thinks Justin Bieber should be in jail.

According to Reuters, an Argentine judge has issued a warrant calling for Bieber to immediately be placed in detention—and not the kind of detention that Bieber sorely missed thanks to becoming famous at such a young age, setting him on a dark path of horseplay throughout the hallways of the world …

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