Newswire: Andy Samberg will host this year’s Emmys

Continuing the awards-show tradition of recruiting unlikable, polarizing celebrities whose accents many people find annoying, Deadline reports that Andy Samberg has been recruited to host this year’s Emmys awards ceremony. Samberg, formerly of Saturday Night Live and currently of Fox’s Brooklyn Nine-Nine, performed his ritual initiation into the secret society of Emmys hosts at last year’s ceremony, where he performed in a musical number with “Weird” Al Yankovic before strangling a drifter with his bare hands and impaling the man on the wings of a giant golden statuette. (The blood, of course, must run down the gleaming idol to ensure another year of bountiful TV harvests, as every child learns in Emmys school.)

Proving himself a thoroughly unpleasant person with whom America would rather not go on a really fun scavenger hunt, Samberg has released a statement on the news, saying,

“Buckle your seat belts, Emmy viewers …

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