Inventory: America will love Heintje: 11 failed English-language crossovers

1. Heintje, I’m Your Little Boy (1970)

A veritable juggernaut of kitsch, boy singer Hendrik “Heintje” Simons sold millions of records across Europe in the late 1960s. Heintje was the Liberace of moppetdom, belting out odes to motherhood. Though Dutch, he sang in German, and had a look that was meant to appeal to the kindliest of grandmothers. (He also starred in such films as No School Tomorrow, Hurrah! The School Is Burning!, and To Hell With The Student Cap, which became very popular in the People’s Republic Of China—but that’s a different story.) And as the 1970s rolled around, Heintje prepared to unleash his brand of misty-eyed sap upon the English-speaking world. His record label bought 12 consecutive pages of ads in Billboard announcing the arrival of his English-language debut, I’m Your Little Boy, complete with a picture of the singer striking a messianic …

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