Great Job, Internet!: Sizzler’s forgotten bid to be “America’s choice” is terrifying
If you’re familiar with Sizzler, it’s probably as a chain of restaurants. But back in 1991, it had loftier plans. It’s not exactly clear what those plans were, but based a musical infomercial unearthed by Esquire, it either had something to do with running for national office or starting its own Scientology-like cult.
While Sizzler’s true intentions may be lost to the ages, there are a number of troubling clues that suggest an Orwellian attempt to enslave America under the yoke of false choice. Consider the evidence:
- The entire musical arrangement was likely the work of John Ashcroft.
- Young girls need to beware of predatory sea captains. You won’t find any of them at Sizzler.
- “Sizzler is the one who brings us choices.” The only one; never forget.
- While largely forgotten in our post-9/11 culture, in 1991, it was perfectly acceptable wear a generic …