Great Job, Internet!: Hey turdballs—celebrate the 30th anniversary of schlockfest Never Too Young To Die

“My little turdballs!”

Who could possibly forget the iconic opening lines of Never Too Young To Die from 1986? Easily one of the most oft-quoted lines in cinema history, that opening dialogue pretty much sets the stage for the rest of the film. For those (select few) who may not know, the film was a “not your momma’s James Bond” type entry in which a high schooler finds himself embroiled in a scheme to poison a city’s water supply. What sets apart this film from others—like If Looks Could Kill which is very similar in approach but not in kitsch—is that it is an incredible schlockfest in plot, characterization, and pretty much every other component of filmmaking.

The film stars John Stamos as Lance Stargrove, son of famed spy Drew Stargrove (played by former Bond, George Lazenby), who joins forces with femme fatale (played by Vanity …

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