For Our Consideration: No, I didn’t call your shitty movie a “comedic masterstroke”

Dear Mongrel Media,

You owe me an apology. Sorry to just come right out and say it, but I really don’t know how else to proceed. You know what you’ve done. Isn’t it time to come clean and make amends?

Look, I get why you did it. Here you were, burdened with the impossible task of getting people to buy or rent a movie that basically no one liked. And by “basically no one,” I don’t just mean fellow critics like myself, who were unkind in their reviews, or audiences, who mostly just stayed away. I’m also talking about the movie’s own director, who took his name off the thing before it was even finished. That’s a lot of negativity for a distributor to work around. I sympathize. I really do.

Not that you don’t know, but I’m referring, of course …

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